Sunday, January 17, 2010

Why does my infant smell like Kraft Dinner?

..And many other seemingly rhetorical questions I've had on my mind.

Riddle me this: HOW does a 12 week old baby get dirt under her fingernails? Is she sneaking out in the middle of the night to play in the dirt? Maybe it's she who is tending to my Aerogarden.


Am I going to get botulism from my feeble canning attempt?

Seriously, that's seventy-five dollars and five hours of my life I'm never going to get back. They probably don't even taste good. I'm too afraid to actually eat them.

And lastly, What do I do?


Am I doing it right?


Seemingly so, I'd say. The parsley doesn't seem to want to sprout. The pod reads "8-15 days", and today is day 15. I'm not stoked on bum parsley, seeing as it's the ONE herb out of that kit that I was most likely to use.

WTF do I do with Marjoram and Savory? I suppose I better'd find something to do with it.

Friday, January 8, 2010

Adventures in Hydroponics

I'm not growing drugs. If you're interested in growing drugs, you're reading the wrong blog. High Times can probably help you out.

This blog is about basil.

There's a back story.

It was my birthday last week. And such as the tradition for giving gifts on the anniversary of one's birth, I received an Aerogarden. (Now that I have a baby of my own, I don't understand why we celebrate ourselves on our birthdays- we should toast our mums. I know that after 31 hours of labour and major abdominal surgery, I feel like I deserve props for that.).

Anyways. I got one of these. I was so excited about it. But then I felt discouraged. I can't keep cacti alive, how am I supposed to grow green things on my kitchen counter? My house is where formerly alive things go to die. Case in point- the houseplant that came with the house:


[cue lulz.]

I made a goal this year. I was going to nurture, not murder (a good goal to make when you have babies). I opened up the box and to my dismay, I noticed on the side the phrase "Some assembly required". Shit. I'm about as good at assembly as I am at nuclear physics (not good at all). So with trepidation, I fearfully dug for the manual.... The rule of thumbs with manuals is that the degree of difficulty is directly correlated to the manual's thickness. I had about seven-sixteenths of an inch of difficulty. That's a lot, in case you were wondering.

But apparently, it was my lucky day! The manual was bi-lingual (as I know remember is a legal requirement for all goods sold in this fine country) and it had pictures! And it DIDN'T come with an allen key! Hallelujah! I had it assembled in exactly eight minutes and forty three seconds.

The next set of instructions were how to 'plant' the garden. Surely this must be the stick in my proverbial spokes. Huh? You put the pods in the holes, add water, plug it in and push a button? Add food and water when the blinking light tells me to? F'real? I must have reread the instructions ten times. There had to be more than that. Lo and behold, there wasn't. I was finished. It was rather anticlimactic.


So now what? We wait.

Fast forward to today. A day like all the others. Wake, nurse JuneBug, make the bed, change and dress JuneBug, lets the dogs out, feed the cats, put the diapers in the wash, let the dogs in, feed the dogs, make coffee, and OH! What's this? A little twinkle of green peeking out of those little pods! I'm ACTUALLY doing it! I'm growing something! Okay, so the machine is growing something, but I pay the power and water, so I kinda helped. Right?




So there you have it! Even if you are botanically retarded, you can still manage to grow things in an Aerogarden. Stay tuned for updates and more unfortunate tales of failures and small victories.

Thursday, January 7, 2010


If you were hoping to stumble across a blog written by someone who has mastered the art of living vicariously through themselves, turn around now and go back where you came from.

Let me introduce myself. I'm Vyky. I just turned twenty-six and I have very little direction in my life. I'm currently a stay-at-home-mum. I had my daughter, the lovely Lyra June (who will thus forward be known as JuneBug) in late October. I'm married to a very nice man named Chris. I won't likely refer to him in this blog because he thinks the internet is stupid.


The point is this. I'm average. In every imaginable way. I'm average in height, weight, I'm not ugly, nor am I beautiful. I'm not particularly good at anything, but I don't suck at life either.

It's my goal to develop a talent. Something! Anything! I'm going to try my hand at gardening, knitting, weight loss, cooking of exotic foods, baking (as well as one can bake with a toaster oven), and a myriad of other mundane things.

Come join me and laugh at my misfortunes and smile at my small victories.